Why Blogging Terrifies Me: A Beginning

Welcome! Eeee guess what?! I'm starting a blog! Weird, right? Not something I imagined I'd ever do. Recently, though, I’ve been having this energy to start writing and sharing my writing more publicly (ahhh) and you know, there’s no time like the present, right?

So, a blog! What will this blog contain? Well, as-of-now-indeterminate, but most likely a collection of reflections, memories and thoughts on faith, peacebuilding, spirituality, internationalness, religion, the arts, healing from evangelicalism and purity culture, creativity, approaching peace and justice work with the spirit of an artist, possibly getting into some queer theology (so excited to learn and share more about that!), end-of-life presence and healing, presence and healing in general, decolonizing Christianity, creating space(s), healing from and dismantling whiteness, clothing, design, all things wrong with the military-industrial complex, etc. Basically, things I think about and care about and want to learn more about and share with others. 

So why is this scary and why does that matter? I mean, I’m sure many people are scared when they start blogging- you’re putting yourself out there. For me, it’s a number of things. I tend to be a more reserved person in general, especially with the things that matter to me. I’m cautious about sharing more than I feel ready to share. And I’m very against pressuring people or being pressured to share more than feels right. Encouraged, invited and challenged to share, yes. Pressured, guilted and expected to share, no. So that’s a balance I’ll be exploring with myself through this process. 

Another big reason is that I’m afraid of posting a bunch of personal writing publicly is of learning things about myself that I don’t like. I’m afraid my writing will reveal my faults, and everyone will know (which is telling- that I’m more afraid of being “exposed” than I am of causing harm :/ ). But that’s why I have to write. I don’t want to refrain from sharing what I feel called to share primarily out of fear of being called out for my mistakes (also for you Enneagram people, I’m a 1w9, so working with that condemnation/self-condemnation).

But even writing and sharing these fears helps me feel less afraid and more humble- to acknowledge my far-from-perfect-ness in this and the fears that hold me back. I know it will be a constant battle, but that’s okay. I’m going to move forward anyways.

Through seeing others sharing their writing in a blog or journaling type of way, it’s striking to me how often I resonate and recognize myself in their words. I feel seen and known and experience healing through that. And I hope these words may do the same for you.

Why will you or anyone read this? You tell me! I want to share out of what is in my center/heart/core and not just what I think people will like or want or will be popular or controversial for the sake of it. I want to stretch and challenge myself and to post things that are burning in me to be said.

I’m so terrified and excited and ready to begin. Let’s do this. ♡